ascension

Rock bottom. We have all been there a time or six and it goes without saying that it is not a particularly enjoyable time in one’s life. I would describe it as the time when you are completely drained physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. “Getting a grip” on life becomes this never-ending mirage that you can no longer find the energy to chase. This can be for multiple reasons: maybe you are financially in ruin, failing all your classes, or just had a major breakup. The dishes are piling, you find it difficult to shower (let alone get out of bed), and you rarely see your friends anymore - in short, life is abysmal. The worst part is you find yourself stuck in this endless cycle of mediocrity. You know that your life could be better and there are a few action steps you could take to make it so; you just find it difficult to take that first step or keep waiting until tomorrow. The next thing you know, a year has passed and you are still in the same job that you hate, in the relationship that drains you, and completely unfulfilled. I never thought that place could somehow be redeemable, a place of power, but it is. 

When you are at your most desperate point the potential to pull yourself out of the ever-widening chasm you are trapped in increases exponentially. A few days ago, I was listening to a video by a YouTuber named Ruslan KD and he made a compelling argument. In some cases, rock bottom is the best place that you can find yourself. When your situation becomes just uncomfortable enough that you cannot bear it, you will begin to take action.  When I was in graduate school, we had an author come and speak to our class about how he became a writer. He revealed to us that he used to work as a corporate lawyer for a reputable law firm. Every day he would go in and perform his duties, work long hours, got the nice house, nice car, and a sizable check every two weeks and he hated every minute of it. Sure, who wouldn't want a six-figure salary, to live in a gated community and drive a sports car? But hating the majority of the hours of your day begins to take a toll on you physically and mentally. When he finally quit the firm and began his career in writing, his co-workers all congratulated him, some even admitting that they wished they had the courage to quit themselves. This author was not the only one who found displeasure in his work, he just hated it more than everyone else. This type of deep discomfort is what calls you to action, to begin to take the steps needed to relieve the ever-growing tension.
There is nothing wrong with being content in where you are in life, in fact I believe that should be the goal, however, I think mediocrity is the killer of dreams, of seeing ideals that you hold dear realized. Being mediocre or average does not necessarily equate to having wealth, or achieving a certain weight, or gaining notoriety. Being average is determined by how closely you come to achieving the ideals that you value in your own life. Let’s say that you value health for example, how often in your daily habits do you exhibit that you value it? Does that reflect in the food you eat, the things you allow your brain to consume? Are you having a holistic view of health? (Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually). Getting out of rock bottom begins with a brutally honest self-examination of where you are and where you want to be. Then it will become more clear to you what things you need to let go of in order to make space for the things you desire. 

That may be the hardest part, the letting go. While this chasm you find yourself in may be dark and depressing, it probably has become a source of comfort. It’s predictable and what you have found yourself used to for weeks, months, sometimes years. As crazy as it may sound, evaluate if you are unconsciously clinging to this way of life, the habits, the toxic relationship, and learn to let it go. It may be hard at first but the more you find yourself saying no to it and yes to the new, it will become easier. 

That may be the hardest part, the letting go.

This advice may have seem half-baked and lofty so let’s take a dive from this aerial view. Let’s start with something very simple; a practice that my old therapist suggested that helped me climb out of the dark hole that I was in. Try a list. A list of all of your values, things that you hope your life will embody. I’ll give some examples to give you an idea but it’s whatever you feel:

• Compassion

• Ambition

• Emotional Intelligence

• Wisdom

• Knowledge

These can be as vague or detailed as you want them to be, as long as they are true for you and your life. You have to truly desire them for yourself in order to make steps towards them. After that start listing specific ways you can embody these characteristics; try not to make this list too lengthy or challenging. You will learn that embodying these values is more about tiny habits and decisions rather than grand actions.

-writing an encouraging text message to someone once a week

-find a new way to challenge myself every week

-journal your emotions to keep track of and examine

-get a mentor

-read one new book a month

You don’t have to work on them all at once, you don’t even have to work on each one of them daily. Finding what works best for you and every once in a while recalibrating your life to these values can keep you rising to them and out of the place that you are in. Learn to embrace the discomfort of your life and allow it to drive you to ascend above it, into new rhythms, relationships, and opportunities.